Give birth in Holland

Image result for baby boys and girls

One of the most particular events in the Netherlands is childbirth. To give birth in Dutch is called vertrekken; in fact, the child leaves the womb of his mother and leaves to discover the world.

In the Netherlands, you generally give birth at home. If there are contraindications in the hospital.
I have chosen the middle way; outpatient birth. From the series: go, give birth and come back.
Considering that I did not come from the culture of home birth, I asked to do it in the hospital. This was only possible if I had returned home immediately; obviously without complications. And so it was. In your home you are assisted (for
10 days) from a “zuster” that changes the baby (showing you how you will do it later), takes a bath, takes care of the essential things at home, prepares the famous biscuits with small sprigs to offer to those who come to visit . Blue if a male is born, a female is pink. They are called Beschuit met muisjes: biscuits
with mice.

The famous biscuits with mice (Beschuit met muisjes) that in Holland offer themselves at the birth of a baby.

At home there is a constant coming and going: relatives, friends, neighbors … In short, everything that happens in Italy in a hospital in the Netherlands happens in your own home.
The mother is a little stunned … not to mention the father who has to take care of other duties. In the end they both collapse on the bed, not before having been scheduled for the next feed.

Sometimes it happens that during birth the husbands film everything or take photographs.
A custom that I find horrible, considering that the woman at that moment is certainly not “a flower”!
Not to mention the unromantic position in which it is located, the swollen face, the blood, the cries and insults addressed to anyone who is present and enjoins them to push … In those moments have a person who is filming or doing
photographs is the maximum. The maximum of malice!

Try to imagine the scene of him telling her, overwhelmed by grief, “come on, dear, do not you smile”; and she who sends him to ********** * with his face contracted by hatred, while he thinks “My God, let him come out in a hurry and then I swear it is the last time I put in the world a child: I’m defective and he asks me to laugh! ”
After two years, according to statistics, the suffering of childbirth is only a memory and one already thinks of the second child.

Later these men show proud (even at work!) The filming of his wife with eyes poured out that sacrament because the sweet creature does not decide to come to the world … Do you have in mind the movie The Exorcist? Without neglecting
the close-ups of his “intimate parts” which, precisely because they are intimate, should remain so. Especially in those moments. And even later. Instead of serving to cheer up the view (so to speak, given the situation ….) Of the head of the office, of the colleague downstairs, the porter!

In the end the baby is born and everyone is happy and happy, with many tears of joy.
At this point we eat the famous biscuits, we embrace each other, we give a pat on the shoulders of the father, forgetting that instead we should give it to the mother; and we run outside the door to put various storks of wood or pannolenci, festoons,
puppets, signs with the inscription “Today Alexander was born. Hip Hip Hurra! “

Speaking of signs here is a real treat exclusively for Blogolanda readers; a picture taken yesterday in front of a house where a child named EVI has just been born. Let’s say that it is a “signage” a little ‘wet, indeed, definitely
tacky; why? So … I will translate the text of the last three cartels and then judge you, trying to understand the double meanings!

Bouwplaats: alle hoeken van de kamer (fourth sign from above, red).
Translation:
“Place where the work started: all the corners of the house.”
In the sense that he showed her, at the moment of conception …. all the corners of the house. In short: they did it in every room, just to not go for the thin!

Hoogste punt: tussen standje 1-69 (penultimate sign, pink)
Translation:
“The climax: it was reached between position 1 and 69.”
It seems to me that this sentence does not need further study!

Eerste paal: 9 maanden geleden (last sign, blue)
Translation:
“First post: 9 months ago”.
Specific, for the naive who have not yet understood: the first Pole (here there is no need to explain, I think) was planted 9 months ago.
If you do not understand where it was planted … you are not ready to have children !!!! Or you are 6 years old and you should not be at the computer right now!

Who knows if Evi, when she grows up, will appreciate the sense of humor of her crunchy parents: THEY surely will have made some big laughs writing her birth participation to be shown publicly on the street. To posterity
the arduous sentence! Dutch and not.